Drama

The only kind of drama I like is the kind I pay for. You know a good Broadway show can be so much fun - on Broadway!  Drama outside of the theater is traumatic. Almost everyone experiences at least some form of drama trauma.  

The Plot (Act 1)

I’m not talking about serious traumatic events. I’m talking about the drama over the trivial.  The up in arms over a Facebook status. The downright injustice of picking the wrong color curtain for the office, this is a church you know. The microphone gets muted because the backup singer is holding the mike in a prideful way.  My personal favorite was the drama over a 25$ registration fee that was donated for someone else! 

The Plot thickens (Act 2)

Women will huff and puff all week long over the bathroom floral arrangements. Then they goes as far a make an appointment with the pastor about it.  You know their cousin is a florist and giving their cousin the business will eventually win them to the Lord.  Oh how the plot thickens!  It makes for a mystery and a comedy all in one. However it’s place is on the stage not anywhere else. The challenge here is not to get sucked into it all the while trying to find an end to the madness. 

The Dramatic End (Act 3)

Every good plot has a dramatic ending. The solution to all the conflict. The problem with most drama’s in church there is no endings. It goes on an on, some of these dramas has been going on for years.  Some of the players don’t even know how it started and why they're even involved.  They lended an ear one day and the next day they are a major player.

I have noticed in theater and in church, the longer the drama plays out the harder it is to find an ending and the harder it is to watch. 

Here is the challenge, find the courage to stand up and say "Cut!" "It's done, stop the show, it's over."  Without an ending the trauma from the drama gets intense. Instead of dealing with just the drama we now have post traumatic stress to deal with, mainly ours.  

The Academy Awards

I sometimes would like to get all the players in one room.  Hand out some Oscars. You know, for the best temper tantrum in a church bathroom, the best Bible Study confession of someone else’s problem, the best “I quit” because I wasn’t allowed to pick the lunch menu. Then hold up a really big “The End” sign. Everyone gets to take their bows and it's over. I know this would probably just encourage the “drama queens” and lead to more drama because the awards were black and not pink.  

Q4U:  What kind of awards would you hand out if you could?  

Territorial in Church

Gangs mark territories with graffiti

Have you ever met someone that gets territorial in Ministry? Ay-gee-mama! I see this quite often, because I don’t deal with just one local church I deal with a whole bunch of them. 

Some churches are afraid of their members going to an event at another church. Most of the pastors I work with don’t have a fear of losing people.  They just want to protect their flock from misquided overzealous evangelist. 

I get that. I am very protective of those God has sent me to serve, love and guide.  However, I'm also confident in the choices they make. If I am doing my part right they will make amazing choices. 

Fear of losing people

There is an inclination to fear people will go some place else. But here is the bottom line, in Florida there are 9 million women.  That’s enough to go around.  For some of us, just one of those 9 million could be a full time job. If you loose a person from your ministry, for whatever reason, there are plenty desperately in need of a touch from God.  


Just ask Special Gathering, a ministry within the mentally challenged community. This an unreached people group that has often been ignored by the church. It is so unreached that the fear isn't losing them - it's not reaching them at all.  I like that, isn't that the way ministry is suppose to be?  There are plenty of disabled people yet not enough laborers. (If interested in this ministry contact Linda Howard of Special Gathering, here is a link to her blog. This is one ministry that has plenty for everyone)


Here's some food for thought:

If we absolutely have to get territorial over people why not the human slave problem? 

Does your events include other churches? How do you deal with that territorial fear? 

How do you deal with other ministries inviting your ladies to events all the time? When is it too much?   

Have you done a community outreach with other churches?

How did that fare?

This is a real concern in church leadership, probably going to be another post. It is a discussion we all should be involved in. 

Q4U: What's your thoughts on this issue?

Unexpressed Approval

Proverbs 27:5 

A spoken reprimand is better than approval that’s never expressed.

Who likes to get reprimanded publically?  I mean really, who likes to get rebuked, corrected even slightly adjusted privately?  It’s not one of my favorite moments in life.  

We are to welcome correction, and thank God we get them from some wise people.  Who likes to get corrected by a fool? There is great wisdom in being correctable and plyable.  

A follower always getting corrected, no matter how much is needed and no matter how much we welcome it, after a while it can be discouraging. We start hesitating when opportunities arise.   As leaders let’s recognize that we can over play the adjusting and correcting hand. Approval never given is worse than a public reprimand. 

Unexpressed Approval

One of the best coaches I had always told us how good we were. She always told us  “we were a hard team to beat”, “we had what it takes to go all the way” and  my personal favorite “your great fielders, so keep your gloves up.” 

We didn’t get prideful. In fact, our first year with her was our best year in 12 years, our record 2-12.  That’s right we won 2 and lost 12 yet, to her we were always the best team on the field.

We didn’t need any reminders of how bad we were on the field, the scoreboard, the smirking looks from the other teams was enough. What we needed was reminders that we had some skills that could work to our advantage. The 3 years I was with her we did win and we won a lot! 

God Practices what He Preaches

I believe God would never tell us to do something He doesn’t practice Himself. God does approve us. His approval is so effective it is silly not to seek it. It is a great benefit to cultivate a life that pursues His approval. 

Holy Spirit conviction isn’t limited to just sins.  He convicts us of our righteousness as well.  He isn’t just pointing fingers at what is wrong, He is constantly pointing out what’s right.  Maybe our sin is we don’t believe Him. It’s okay to say “I am righteous!”  (maybe we could have a ministry called Righteous Babes).  

I know, some of you are saying “Sandy, let’s be humble now.”   I get that. Yes, let’s be humble.  It’s not right to stand up on your desk and say “I did that! and THAT was very COOL!”  Even though every bone in your body wants to (who you kidding, we all want to).  You know what is better than that is your leader jumping up on the desk pointing her finger at you and saying “She did that! and THAT is very COOL!”  

Q4U:  Got any suggestions on ways to express approval?  How about you, ever been approved by your leader? or not approved? How did you get through it?

Master the art of a sit down

A sit down is just another way of saying a meeting.  A sit down is probably the best way to get some issues out on the table and get them resolved.  Some teams have way too many sit downs and some don’t have enough.  

Here are some tips to a sit down.  

Whatcha talking bout?

If you going to call a sit down, you better know what your calling it for.  What are the clear issues.  Not what you think are the issues, and definitely not what someone who’s not even going to be there thinks the issues are. 

Get a clear picture of what’s going on before the sit down.  You might find there is no issue at all, some trouble maker (they normally do this more than once) is making mountains out of mole hills. Make sure everyone knows what the meeting is about before the meeting. 


No ganging up
Nothing is going to get resolved if you plan to gang up on one person either.  It's just not scriptural. Invite only individuals involved. Stay away from sit downs that just want to accuse and point fingers. You know let's blame Sister Sassy for everything. Let's recognize it's not what people can do, can't do, have done, won't do, will do  - its about what God can do with people, to people and through people.  Correction without the Cross is condemnation and it's the worse kind of sit down. 

Quit Stalling

Get to it quick, no stalling at a sit down. With a little humilty you might look across the table and realize their time is way more valuable than yours.   A sit down is about finding the solution, nothing more.  No need to chase down every rabbit in the church. Start out with prayer, Lord knows a lot of sit downs could be avoided entirely just by praying over the issue first. 

Speak when you have to not when you want to

“Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.” Solomon

The words you say don’t make you smart.  Whenever I’m going in feeling intimidated and outgunned, I keep my mouth tight and my ears open.  In resolving conflict I find that more conflict can be avoided by putting a filter on the mouth.  No need to have another sit down about the last sit down. 

Be respectful

Disrespect of any kind is out of the question.  I don’t care how bad you are treated, what names you are called and how many fingers are pointing at you.  Disrespect is off the table.  The moment a hint of disrespect is out you are done!  Let me say that another way, you are much harder to defend when you are disrespectful. 

 I have a little acronym that helps me even decide if I do a sit down or not. It also prepares me for the sit down. It’s N.E.E.D.

Is it Necessary?

Is it Edifying?

Is it Encouraging?

Is it Dignified?

If I can’t get legitimate answers to those questions then the sit down is out of the question. 

Q4U:  What other tips do you have for sit downs?

Pledge of Allegiance Wins Souls

Those that go on the road with me, or spend a little time with me know I love to win souls. I love to hug the broken hearted, and I love to empower the people around me. They ask me how I do it, or they say I’m a natural. I say with sincere confidence I am definitely not a natural.


In fact, I was created with a shy disposition, a very shy disposition.   So far this year I have had 54 salvations. I only say that to encourage you, my sister. If I, a naturally shy person, can win someone to Christ so can you. I am not super gifted and I am not a natural people person, it is only by the grace of God I can do what I do. And here is what I do.


Pledge allegiance to Jesus

In that pledge I become more passionately committed to Jesus Christ than ever before. Just saying it out loud makes my Spirit stronger. A pledge is a serious matter and I don't believe God takes our pledges for granted, especially if they are to Him. He will give you everything you need to fulfill that pledge. This pledge will align you with His passion, and He is passionate about people, all kinds of people. 

Pledge to get to know Him


Please don't get me wrong. Your salvation is not dependent on how many souls you win.  I'm not questioning your commitment level either.   I’m saying go for more.  Get to know Jesus more intimately than ever before.  How can we have allegiance with someone we don't know?  Don’t be satisfied with just knowing about Him, but know Him.  The more you know Jesus the more fortified your allegiance will be. 

Allegiance means alignment

al-le-giance (noun) loyalty or commitment of a subordinate to a superior or of an individual to a group or cause

When we pledge our allegiance to Jesus we are basically saying we are aligning ourselves up with His standards, His ways, His thoughts, His heart. We are seeking His Kingdom first and last.  We are pledging to go where He goes and speak what He is saying. 

Pledging allegiance to Jesus means you will die for people. Jesus died for the very people who cried out "Crucify!"  His passion was exhibited best on the Cross.  Your allegiance will be displayed on the Cross.  Are your choices redeeming others?  Are you willing to preserve people's dignity?  He didn't come to mock or scorn people and neither should we. When we pledge our allegiance to Jesus we are pledging to love our neighbor, even our enemies. Allegiance to Jesus means you will win souls, even if it means to suffer. 


Q4U: What other implications does "I pledge my allegiance to Jesus" have?

  

Inspiration is the Spark

Inspiration is the spark.

We love inspiration.  We flip through interior design books, we sort through the hairstyles, we watch hours of Food Network just for a spark of “That just might work!”  True inspiration, like what we find on HGTV, Hope Tour, and Fall Breakaway is the spark to moving people. It happens so quick we can even miss it.  


Inspiration allows me to say ‘Hey I can do that too!” 


Don't you just love to get around people that make things seem so simple and then share with you the secret ingredient that pulls it all off? It's just a spark, but your whole line of thinking is changed. Instead of being overwhelmed with daunting tasks, your seeing possibilities and potential. When we watch others make an overwhelming task seem simple, we are inspired to do the same.  Jesus inspired Peter to walk on water!!. Why? Jesus made it seem possible, He made it look easy. When we do things well, when we start walking in God's grace we will inspire others to do the same.  




 Inspiration will also add new energy to an already hum - drum process.


 I love inspiring messages for that very reason.  I love to hear about superwomen and their stories. I have a friend that I love dearly, she has cystic fibrosis and in the process of God healing her she has lived in 4 different continents as a missionary.  She inspires me.  When I’m tempted to complain, wallow in self pity, and walk in way too much pride,  I think of her, I spend time with her.  She walks, talks, breathes faith.  It inspires me to persevere and move on when I’m tempted to quit. When we press through we inspire others to press through too.




What inspires you? Where do you go for inspiration? Leave a comment, who knows you might inspire others.




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Google Has Replaced Mentors

It used to be…

I know, I know I sound like one of those "Well, in my day....." like I don't have a day now.  

Mentors used to be someone I would go to when I had a question about anything, and I had a lot of questions.   I would go to someone wiser, well I thought was wiser and ask them.  Some of their answers were out there and some were on the money.  I learned how to decipher their stories and glean some sort of wisdom. (sounds a lot like Google)  

For instance, when I was a young teen I went to my volunteer youth leader and said "I feel like God is calling me into ministry, to be a speaker." My Google search would have been a series of "God calling, Women in Ministry, and hearing God's voice." What I got from this guy was  "Girls don't do that, let me introduce you to my son."  

What?! I stopped going to church after that and took a while to convince me to come back. 

Another time I asked a grandmother type about guys and she had  great advice and it proved to be very valuable. Who knows what I would have googled for that.

"Don't date a guy you wouldn't marry, love can be blind." 

Today, instead of going to people, I can get the same thing just faster from Google.  All I have to do is type in my question and wha-la instant answer.  I don't have to interrupt people in their busy schedule. I don't have to make time to sit down with them. I don't have to listen to them carry on and on and on and on.  I don't have to worry about what they think of me when I ask.  

I can google my question and even get blogs that will have a constant flow of mentoring whenever and wherever I need it.  I can get book recommendations, podcast, even videos from them and really do it myself.  Hmmm mentor myself, that just sounds wrong!

So what about women's ministry?  Are we to concede to Google?  Are we to allow unknown people speak into our daughters lives?  Are we to let Google mentor the next generation? What about that Titus verse "older women must train up the younger.." is Google to do that for us?

First of all, do WE use Google as a mentor?

Who do we go to if we go to anyone at all? What is it about her that get us to take the time to build a relationship and schedule time with them, just to get questions answered? If we want the younger women to come to us shouldn't we be modeling that behavior? If we want to foster inter-generational relationships it has to start with us.  Who is  your mentor? Google or Sister Got the Goods? 

What about us, will the younger generation pick Google over us?

I know we don't have the answers like Google.  But we can see that Google has some qualities that we can develop.  

Google is humble.  Google doesn't judge people by their searches and totally respects their privacy. Let's not judge them period.  In fact, Google is perfectly aligned with it's users.  They want answers and Google wants to give it to them.  

Google's core value is relevance.  Google doesn't give them what Google thinks they should know.  Google listens to their search query and tries to give them the best locations for that answer.  Listen to the younger generation, and answer the questions they are asking! 

Google doesn't have the answer but knows where to get it.  Google itself isn't smart, the places Google searches are.  Where do we go to get answers?  The best way to know God's word is to apply it.  

Google is accessible, anytime and anywhere. The next generation, growing up on Google, the same ones that cut their teeth on your phone, "wait" is a four letter word.  What does that mean to a mentor? Be accessible and train others in your generation to be accessible too. 

What makes you different than Google? What would make them pick you over Google?

The human connection. 

 Google can't hug them when they are hurting.  Google doesn't know how to listen to the run on sentence and decipher it as "I need a friend." Google doesn't invite them to dinner.  Google doesn't give them a tissue when they cry.  Google won't text them an encouragement right before they go out on the field or court.  Google won't tell them "I believe in you, I have faith."  Google won't  drive them to their first job interview.  Google doesn't help them get up when they fail. Google doesn't throw bridal showers and wrap baby gifts.  Google doesn't open it's door and say "come on in, we just put the burgers on the grill."

 This was about Google, the new search engine is YouTube.  Are we ready for THAT!? 

What else Google can't do but you can?  leave a comment

12 ways to frustrate the team

frus·trat·ed/ˈfrəsˌtrātid/Adjective

1. Feeling or expressing distress and annoyance, esp. because of inability to change or achieve something.

2. (of a person) Unable to follow or be successful in a particular career. 

If you really want to frustrate the team to no end, maybe even get them to quit on you, or get you released from the position.  Here is some advice that could help.

1 - Ignore them.  Don't call them back, don't email them back, just avoid them. I'm not talking about delaying, that just comes with being a leader, getting back to everyone sometimes takes all day long. I'm talking complete blackout!

2 - Cancel meetings at the last minute or worse yet schedule a meeting especially when they have to go to great lengths to get to this meeting, distance, crazy times convenient for you, but not for them.  Then cancel the meeting.  Or when they do show up, let the meeting be pointless.  That will really get to them.

3 - Correct them in front of everybody, especially in front of people they know, their leader, their peers, their mentees. Careful not to do this in front of really important people to them, like their husband, you might have bitten off more than you can chew. 

4 - Change directions a lot.  Say you want to do something a particular way and then at the last minute change it and don't give any rationale as to why.  Or blame it on someones failings, in front of everyone!

5 - Be ambiguous.  Give them either a vision and no strategies, or all strategies but no direction. Go silent about the details, leave them wondering.  And then when they sort it out themselves hold them accountable for certain tasks and goals that were unmet. And point it out in front of everyone how they failed.

6 - Ask them for stuff they couldn't possibly have.  They bring the program to the event and you ask for a volunteer list.  They come back with the volunteer list and you ask for decorations, they come back with decorations and they are the wrong ones.  You can keep it up all day long if they are really stubborn.  

7 - Keep them guessing at what you want. When they do present ideas to you say a lot "I can't see that!" or "I don't have a vision for that." then whatever you do, don't share the secret vision. Be careful because God could give them the vision and then give them your job!

8 -  Micro manage every little detail.  They learn how to do it your way. Manage everything.  Don't develop anyone.  If you really want to get them frustrated and this technique takes a little time but so frustrating.  Teach them a skill, a performance task.  Let them do it for a while, let them get really settled into it.  Maybe even, getting them to think this is their thing, their gifting, their calling.  Once you see them getting excited about it and relaxed micromanage every single detail. Failure is not an option here, you could even say things like "I expected more from  you, your gifted in this, how could you fail." or make sure that whatever they do in this skill it is never good enough. 

9 - Take all the credit!! If you want to sound super spiritual make them look really prideful if they get the least bit confident in their area.  

10 - Keep the focus on shallowness, what they wear and how they wear it.  Don't even talk about impact and significance. Notice the tattoos and the piercings, but forget about character and heart.  That stuff only matters for you anyway.  It's your bus ride to the top not theirs.

11 - Blame the devil. If anything goes wrong that could possibly be linked to you, cover yourself with the "I made the enemy mad and he is attacking me."  Whatever you do, DO NOT apologize!  Apologies are for suckers!  This is a great cover and way to redirect their frustrations.  They will even stick it out even longer with you to frustrate them even more because of this. 

12 - When they want to speak to you about all the frustration, be ready to turn it on them.  Twist what their saying to make them feel like it is all their fault. Then tell everyone on the team what they did, how they were undermining your authority.  This will frustrate the whole team because now the whole team is re-thinking their wanting to talk to you.  

Got Peace?

Taking a risk doesn't have to be as scary of some people make it out to be.

 Yes. there is the unknown when stepping outside the box.The whole "what if's" scenarios will want to keep you up at night.  Yes, there is a level of apprehension when launching a new ministry. Your faith will go on display for all to see, and you will be a spectacle. Yes, there is going to be some naysayers in the crowd. Every crowd has one or two.  Yes, there is a lack of experience when trying something new. Who wants to sound foolish when learning a new language? 

There is something that Jesus gave us for these very moments.  He left it in His will for us.  He bequeathed His peace. (John 14:27)

Taking a risk? Get your peace on!

Part of the armor we are to put on is shoes of peace. (Eph. 6) 

Peace isn't about flip flops.  

If peace is loosely fitting in our lives, in our affairs, in our emotions we can be knocked around a bit, even out of place.  Peace gives us a sure foundation that we can step out in confidence, without being knocked off track by what we see or hear.  

Have you ever worked for someone that would flip out and flop about whenever there was an inkling of a storm arising? Women's ministry can be like that, women can be a bunch of drama queens.  A leader that stays composed and keeps her peace is a leader people will gravitate to. Why because when the storm hits, she will be the first person they will call. She becomes an anchor, with sure footing. 

Peace is so strong and effective it will prevail in any circumstance. 

We can plan and prepare too much when taking risks.  There will always be an element of unforeseen circumstances.  There are just somethings you can’t predict. No matter how chaotic it may seem, keep your peace.  Sometimes it might mean “hold your peace.” Get duck tape if you have to. 

Peace will keep your legs from getting knocked out from under you. Check the areas of your life, the different areas of the ministry.  Access if there is peace or chaos, or tremors going on in those areas and deal with them. Do you have a pebble in the shoe? Get the pebble out before it injures you or the ministry. 

Let peace call the shots. 

The peace of God will protect your integrity.  It will be the umpire when conflicts and confrontation arise in your emotions. The peace of God will be a great referee. Satan can't play mind games on you when peace is the governor. 

Chaos and absence of peace is a sign post, "Danger! You are going off the marked trail."  Check your life for peace.  Have you deviated from the will of God, are you going down a path of pride, before pointing any fingers and casting blame check yourself first.

Ask yourself and the team:

Do I have peace with God?

If God has been, putting His finger on something deal with it.  Get it that squared away with God.  

Do I have peace with others?

If there are people in your life that you avoid, or is there a hurt you might be carrying around.  Maybe  you hurt someone else.  Be the bigger person and get some peace in the relationships.  We are called to be peace makers not peace keepers.  This might mean humbling yourself, but when you do that you attract God's presence. It's worth it.

Do you have the Peace of God?  

This is that supernatural peace that goes way past our understanding.  God gave this to us as a gift.  When we align our thoughts, emotions and will around God's promises and His ways we align ourselves with this supernatural Peace.  We will walk in the same authority Jesus walked in.






Have you ever worked for Miss Flip Flop or had her on the team?  What would you have done differently? You can leave a comment here.