NO! Best Defense Against Overload

I have been around the world twice, and no matter what country I am in “no” is understood.  It’s an anointed word, and it is a great defense for getting overcommitted.  Not everyone understands the word “no” I’ll give you that.  However after a while they do get the hint. 

There is a way to say “no” that won’t hurt their feelings and won’t get you in over your head.  You have to look at this as putting up fences around your priorities, your vision, your passion.  It helps you keep the main thing, the main thing. 

Let me sleep on it.  My husband (Dave) and I (after a couple of spontaneous purchases) agreed we wouldn’t make on the spot decision for big ticket items. We agreed we would sleep on it, wait a day before we decided. If we still felt like it was something to go ahead with we did.  If the luster was lost before then the deal was off.  Allow this time for you to ask yourself “can I pack another thing in this schedule?”

Guilt doesn’t come from Heaven.  God is not going to make you feel guilty for keeping your family and passion a priority.  Sometimes people doing the tugging and asking don’t understand, it’s okay.  Be diligent when your on border patrol.  Not allowing access to your already tight schedule is just wisdom. 

Ability doesn’t mean yes.  Just because I know how to do it doesn’t mean I should do it. Does it have anything to do with the vision? It’s great that people see the ability in us but as a leader, this will spread you thin.  Why? Because you wouldn’t be a leader if your weren’t well rounded in more than one area. 

A simple thank you will do.  You don’t have to explain yourself.  No, thanks is okay.

Now is not a good time. This lets them know the timing is off and you are willing to help.  Maybe later would be better for both of you.

Don’t negotiate a no to a maybe.  First of all, a quick no is better than a maybe.  When you finally do get back to them, the no is sort of disappointing.  Some people have a hard time taking no as an answer.  What happens next is negotiations.  You now “Well what if we don’t need it for two weeks instead of one.” or “If we address your first concern, will you help then.”  If you no is no then let it be no.

How do you say no? Or is there a way to say no that just frustrates you?

Long term habits to prevent the “overcommit” fail

Here are some habits or lifestyle choices that could help you get out of going around that same old mountain of overcommitted.

1 - Learn to hear God’s voice.  This is a fundamental basic and I don’t know anyone other than Jesus that get’s this right every time.  I believe learning to pray, and learning to hear God’s voice are the two paramount disciplines that no matter where you are on the planet you will be more than a conqueror.  When you start discerning God’s voice, you will be less likely to commit to anything that God hasn’t asked you to do.

2 - Spend some time becoming a master at the one thing you are called to do.  This is time well spent, and after a while tasks in your area of calling will come a lot easier.  This doesn’t give you a short term release, but in the long run a very wise investment of your time and money.  Go to conferences, get plugged in with a group like yourself, and read, read, read.  This will produce greater effectiveness in your ministry.

3 - Train yourself to visualize from beginning to end and back again. Visualize what is exactly being asked of you.  Find out what the desired outcome looks like before you even begin to start.  Clarity in this will  help you to say “yes” or “no” 

4 - Say “NO” more often.  If your being asked to do something that doesn’t align with your calling, vision or passion say NO!  If this thing, this event, this task isn’t important to you why say “Yes!”  Especially if it isn’t important to your team then why say “Yes!”  

5 - Get into the habit of living within your margins.  Have you ever seen someone totally ignore the margins on notebook paper. Who can or wants to read that?  The margins are there for supplement, for mistakes, for extra doodling.  The margins in your money, your time, your energy are there for those surprises we never account for.  

Have you got a sure fire way to keep you from overcommitting, leave a comment.

Options to Fix the Overcommit

Overcommit gone wrong! 

"Danger Will Robinson! Danger!"

It happens!  And it stinks for everyone when it does.  When your feeling overwhelmed with a long to do list and time running out, it actually drags you down.  Unless you are one of those crazy people that thrive on the pressure.  I like the pressure, however after a while there is nothing left of me, but a worn out a team, a family that misses me and a bunch of mediocre results, the pressure isn’t worth it.

One of the first things I do when I meet with a women’s ministry leader is find out how many pans are in the fire.   Are they spread too thin in the church?  If so, what are they willing to give up?   We identify what to let go and what to keep, then we can triage the rest.  

What are some options that doesn’t entail moving away and never answering your phone again?

1 - Revoke your promise.  Be upfront and truthful about the situation with the people involved, they will probably understand more than you think.  Who hasn’t been in over their head?  They may even want to help if they can. Your credibility will take a huge hit especially if this isn’t the first time you have had to back out of promises.  Repent and ask God to help you not to do that again.  Learn from this and move on.  I have a couple of post that could help you with the right way to overcommit and when overcommit works.  Check them out.

2 - Delegate or outsource.  Work your strengths and recruit your weaknesses.  If you have to, get a caterer that fits the budget.  Get a clean up crew, a set up crew even event hostesses can help you be in two places at once.  You don’t have to do everything.  The best bet here is to do this as soon as you can.  Don’t wait till the last minute.

3 - Ask for help.  There might be a whole group of women waiting on you to ask for help.  Believe it or not, some won’t help unless you ask.  Yep, they won’t even offer. They have been waiting to be asked.  They don’t want to step on any toes.  It’s cool, don’t sweat it, just ask them. 

4 - Postpone to later.  When being asked to do something you can always reply “I can help with this later...”  People respect the honesty.  See if you can move the dates back, to get you some extra time, resources and people.  

5 - Transfer responsibility only if it is win-win.  This doesn’t mean pass the buck nor the blame.  It means someone else in charge might be the very thing to get through this.  Don’t let pride hold back the vision or the passion of the ministry.  Sometimes we just need some time away.  










Got any more suggestions? 

Overcommitting the Right Way

On another post, I discussed when and why overcommitting works.  Check it out to really get a grasp on this whole concept of making overcommitting to work.  In later post I will be sharing about when overcommitting goes wrong.

If your going to overcommit at least do it right.

Here are some simple guidelines to help you stay on track when overcommitting

Be wise about what you are overcommitting to.  

If God has told you to do it, go with a green light.  If it is something that  hits your vision and passion square between the eyes then by all means proceed. If it is sort of what your vision or calling is, yellow light use caution and have an escape plan.  If it has nothing to do with the main thing of you, then red light. Stop right there and use the anointed “no!”  Remember God wants you out of your comfort zone and depending on Him.  So choose things that will stretch you and challenge you a bit. 

Overcommit a little at a time. 

The challenge here is figuring out what you and your team is capable of and go for just a little bit more.  Remember a bunch of baby steps adds up pretty quick.  

Overcommit to things you and your team love to do, it’s stimulating and motivating.

It will energize the team and provide a forward momentum when they accomplish it. Who wants to be overcommitted to something no one wants to do in the first place?

Ruthlessly interrogate your calendars 

Watch out for any filler stuff like unessential meetings. If it's not part of your calling, doesn't align to your vision, or has nothing to do with your passion, get it off your calendar. 

Put some margins in your plan.  

You know the saying if something can go wrong it will go wrong. Allow for this in you and your team. Be flexible like water with your team.     Purposely prepare for extra time, resources, or people in the planning. 

Be open and honest about the overcommit right up front

Let them know this is one of those things you feel is “overcommit” worthy and why you feel that way.  It’s better to say it in the beginning and get the team’s commitment.  They will appreciate it when the rubber meets the road.

Chase one chicken at a time

Have you ever seen someone chase too many chickens at once and end up empty handed.  Focus on doors God opens, they ignite passion in you and the team. Chasing down every opportunity could have you overcommitted in way to many areas.  Overcommitting in one area is a whole lot easier to fix than overcommitting in every area.  When that happens you only end up with mediocre results. 

Got any suggestions to add to this list that works for you?  Leave a comment.